I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
