You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
