I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize