Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
