Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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