he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
