first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
