Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
