what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
