Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I touched a dick in church today
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
