i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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