dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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