Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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