I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
