i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
