i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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