I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
