I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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