Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
