i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
