Duck Duck Cougar?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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