i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
