Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
