If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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