is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
