also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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