I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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