pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
