it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
