You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are all done wearing pants today
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
