u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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