I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
