Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My balls are so social today.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
