just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
