Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
