He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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