I am spending my child support on dildos
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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