just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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