dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
