The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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