dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize