I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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