If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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