when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
