The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
