2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
