Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
