Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
