I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
