Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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