im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize