honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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