Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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