Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
