I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have demons in me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
