Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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