It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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