please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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