We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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