I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
