pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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