I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
