youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
