so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
