Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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