captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm really busy with my period
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