I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
