I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
