So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
