I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
did i walk over a car last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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