Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Randomize