here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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